This is an example of the writing guide I give to my students. The first paragraph exemplifies writing tragedy, and students face the challenge of salvaging that monstrosity using some of the rules outlined below.
King Super Emperor James's Writing Rules to Live (OR DIE) By
English study is really important to us because of its importance in the world as a whole and in every country within that world. English is learned by people who want to become a professor of a university, a CEO of a major corporation, and is also desired by people who wish to travel all over the world. If English were an animal, maybe it would be a dragon or something cool. People who are students of English often say English is a crazy language. No matter what though English is still important to one's hopes and one's dreams.
- Number 1
Passive language sucks! Really. Trust me. People who write in the passive voice give off the aura of being unwilling to commit to anything or stand by their word. They feel like snakes hiding in the grass, ready to slither off and hide at the first scent of trouble. In business communiqué, the passive voice is used for this exact reason -- no one wants to be the nail when the hammer falls, but in wide-audience writing, the passive voice will hang you.
- Number 2
Repeatedly repeating redundancy! Using the same words many times stacks up in the reader's brain, like an awkward and angry JENGA tower of spiraling madness. You don't need a thesaurus to come up with new words, and most definitely complicated language should be avoided. Just a little creativity will suffice.
- Number 3
Whenever you use an unnecessary preposition, God kills a puppy. Harsh? Yes. But think of the puppies before you put pen to paper. "Students who study in the school dislike homework" serves as a nice example of two tragic puppy murders. Students doing homework, by definition, study in school. "Students dislike homework" says the exact same idea without the worthless clutter. Think to yourself, "Is this fluff?" If the answer is yes, then fix it.
- Number 4
Beware the huh? factor. Metaphors and similes speak volumes of awesomeness. Use them excessively. But be aware that they need to make sense. Calling your boss a fire-breathing wildebeest would make me laugh -- but only if I understand why, especially if you decide to insult him out of the blue. I will ask, "Huh?" and probably move on to something more interesting.
-Number 5
Grammar? Forgetaboutit! Some writers commit this grave sin: sacrificing quality or flow upon the black altar of grammar. Here's the thing: think of grammar as the support structure of a building. It is necessary to keep the building from collapsing, but aside from that, what use has it? Anyone can build a box to live in. Beauty in buildings comes in the way the architecture bends into new shapes. Grammar, too, can be manipulated. English grammar, especially, because of its mongrel nature can be shaped to the situation. Do not get hung up on using perfect word choice.
-Number 6
Writers are human. Speak like one! This goes hand in hand with the previous entry. The super secret technique many master writers will tell you, in hushed gestures and whispered words..................
WRITE HOW YOU SPEAK!
No trick exists, save within many fledgling writers' own minds. They try to emulate something they are not, using words not a part of their regular vernacular, or concepts they do not fully grasp in an attempt to lord over their peers.
Ask yourself, "Would I say this to my friend/boss/colleague/King Super Emperor James?" That answer should be all you need to become great.
